The three of us
August 20, 2024
I have been depressed for the past two days, and I am not interested in anything again. The reason is just a few chats with my brother the afternoon before yesterday. I got angry inexplicably. I was disgusted with my brother's lack of understanding of the situation and only sent some useless messages. This roof leak is not a simple matter. I just searched for something on the Internet and sent it. I don't know this. In addition, I feel that my brother’s views on many things are very different from mine. He is becoming more and more like a tacky middle-aged man. He is almost too greasy. Any topic is inseparable from making money, or leads to making money. He is already a person who never slows down and rarely pays attention to himself. Is the pressure in life really so great? There is basically nothing to share with him. Let's live each other's lives well in the future. Why.
Emotional Slave and Dream Mother
August 15, 2024
Two days ago, I got very angry for no apparent reason. I lay down for two days and became a slave to my emotions again. I fell into the fire pit of emotions. Every time I climbed out, it hurt my body. My liver, spleen and stomach were severely damaged, my eyes were sore, and my brain was sluggish. As before, a second round of negative internal exhaustion began one after another. Emotional torment, regret, self-blame, despair, powerlessness, depression, irritability, loss of interest in everything, the king of all kinds of negative emotions, world-weariness swept over again, occupying the already vulnerable soul, thinking that there is still a lot of savings that have not been spent, no, I can't leave so early.
Fragments of childhood (1)
August 7, 2024
From the time I can remember, I must be around 4 years old. In 1979, the 1980s were not yet here, in Wuxi, I lived in a bungalow in the east courtyard of the 702 Family Courtyard. There were seven or eight families in one bungalow. The bungalow ran from east to west in a long strip. My family lived in the first house in the east end. My mother made a fire to cook, a briquette stove, and cooked at the door. This was the case in every house. I can’t remember anything. Sometimes I go back to watch a movie in the open-air cinema across the west courtyard at night. I am very happy. Every family carries their own stools and chairs and walks towards the open-air cinema. Before the show starts, they grab the favorable terrain in advance, and then start taking out snacks and melon seeds, eating and drinking. The children start chasing each other and playing with each other, including me.
Body energy and life thinking
August 2, 2024
Physical energy does exist. A bad mood or poor state will eventually lead to very low physical energy. Even if you have planned a lot of things to do, you have no motivation or state at all. The lack of motivation at this moment is indeed not due to laziness. The lack of mobility caused by low physical energy is much more serious than the lack of mobility caused by laziness. In other words, it is more difficult to overcome. Even if you force yourself, you will make many mistakes in your actions, which will lead to things not going smoothly. Sometimes it is better not to do it. The difficulty is that there are some things that must be dealt with.
lonely practice
July 27, 2024
Today I understand why I was so angry that day. I discussed my father's affairs with my brother. My brother's understanding is different from mine. I have been resentful of my father for a long time. When I heard that others were still beautifying him and overestimating him, I got angry. My brother has never lived with his father since he was an adult, and he doesn’t know him well. In addition, he has been away in Germany for these years.
In a video with my brother before, I talked about my father. I couldn’t understand many aspects of my father. Living with my father, I can feel the pain of my mother before. I tolerate it if I can bear it, and I will speak out if I can’t. There are big and small things, no matter whether I endure it or speak it out, in the end I Everyone is affected by bad emotions, which can be described as long-standing grievances. So when I talked about my father with my brother, I unknowingly became emotional, angry, angry, and excited. They were all brought up. When I spoke, I unconsciously got angry and roared at my brother, even though I was talking about my father. I don’t know why I acted like this, and I felt regretful and guilty afterwards. I don’t know whether it was because I was too sensitive or because I lost control of my emotions.
Protect your emotions
July 20, 2024
I have been suffering from severe emotional distress recently, with many sequelae. My life plans have been disrupted and delayed, and I have become depressed. It is said that being depressed is a normal condition in life. Thousands of people will be in a similar situation to you every day. Okay, keep practicing.
Zhou Guoping’s Wisdom and Thoughts on Birthdays
March 26, 2024
Today’s happiness is all given by Zhou Guoping. I read some of his books many years ago. They are very good and I have learned a lot. I also agree with many of his views on people, society, values and many other fields. He is a low-key spiritual master. Now that I read it again, I have a deeper understanding and admiration.
Father’s aging and helplessness in life
February 11, 2024
In the past year, what touched me the most was my father’s aging, decline in all aspects, slow thinking of the brain, and poor ears, which are the most fatal. Originally, my father talked little and rarely talked at home, which made it impossible for me to communicate normally. In addition, my father was very stubborn, and pleasant communication became a luxury. Living with him, for a long time, was undoubtedly a problem for me. It is quite torturous. You can ask for a lower level of cleanliness in your life, or even not ask for it. However, you are still unhappy in many aspects psychologically. Over time, you will become depressed, which will have a big impact on you, and it will affect your work, study and life. Everyone has ups and downs in mood. When I am depressed, it will be even lower because of some things between me and my father.